I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize