I like my sex mixed with concussions.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
