Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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