Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
pop tarts are not kleenex
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
