drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize