At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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