Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
