You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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