Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
