I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
