bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
