too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
