dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
