he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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