I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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