It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
