im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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