oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
