I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
