guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are all done wearing pants today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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