P.S. I can't hear my feet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
