Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
