I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
