How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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