I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
