Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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