Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize