guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
