here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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