You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
