I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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