we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How external is "for external use only"?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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