The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
