I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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