I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
