There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
