Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my vagina is haunted
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize