What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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