I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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