I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
