I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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