I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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