I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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