she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
