May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
being pregnant is like rehab
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize