I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
