so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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