So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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