it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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