he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
