i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
