Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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