So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
