just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
