Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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