On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
