do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
