Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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