Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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