things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize