Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
