My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
